Lost a family member and coping

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Lost a family member and coping

Post by belle on Sun May 23, 2010 1:49 pm

My grandmother died from cancer and we are all coping. She was dearly loved by the family and now that she's gone, everything isn't the same. My aunts and uncle are obviously very sad about her death but doesn't want to make it too obvious. I feel like the family fell apart now that she's gone. We seem to concentrate on our own lives and not catch up that much any longer. We don't feel like a family anymore and it's sad. I know that it should be normal be mourn from the death of a family member but it shouldn't affect our relationship as a family. I just want to share this all with you.

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Re: Lost a family member and coping

Post by Dazzler on Sun May 23, 2010 2:07 pm

I'm so sorry to hear that Sad . I know it's difficult to cope from the death of a loved one. I lost my dad when I was 14 and it wasn't that easy. I was depressed for 13 years, can you believe that?! Death changes a person. It takes away a part of us that we cannot get back, but that doesn't mean that we should stop living too.

We all have different levels of coping and your family may still be grieving from her death that's why they don't act the same. However it shouldn't be like that. Life is short so you should go on and spend more time with the family. It's not an easy process but take it one day at a time. You'll get there.

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Lost a Family Member and Coping

Post by arwensvoice on Sun May 23, 2010 7:20 pm

Ideally, death should bind the family because everybody's grieving. If your grandma mean that much to all of you, you should all be leaning on each other's strength. But as Admin said : "We all have different levels of coping". I agree with her but I also believe that reaching out is the best way to cope.
Belle, can you give me examples or situations why you don't seem to feel like you're a family anymore? Do your Aunts and Uncles stay away from you and your family? Don't you go and spend maybe just a day together? even share one meal a week? I think you would need to have gatherings like this so you can all reminisce the good things with your grandma, or if the wounds are still too raw, just be with each other.

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Re: Lost a family member and coping

Post by belle on Fri Jun 04, 2010 11:01 pm

Thanks for the advise admin and arwen, I really appreciate the kind words. To answer your question arwen, we don't gather anymore which is unlikely. We used to gather during Sunday for a family day, but we don't do that anymore. Everybody seems really busy. I think that it's their way of denying themselves of the pain from the loss. The family day was really important to us. We cook meals together, we talk, and watch dvd. But now nobody wants to do it anymore. I want to reach out to them but I'm I don't know what to say.

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Re: Lost a family member and coping

Post by arwen on Sun Jun 13, 2010 6:12 pm

I'm sorry, it's been a while but thank you for telling me that Belle. I guess, you should give your relatives more time to be on their own and cope with grief if that's the way they want it. Do you believe that everything will go back in place in the right time? Just don't lose your concern over how you can bring your family back together. In time, you will be surprised at how easy it would be for you to organize gatherings with your family. Just don't stop showing and making them feel that you're just there in case they would need you. Sometimes, calling them about a possible family dinner is enough. But when they give you reasons no to be able to go there after 2 invites, then you can leave them be for several weeks or so. Try again after a few weeks. You can also try dropping by at their house unannounced (I'm not sure if this is acceptable in your culture though). Yo can bring flowers or pizza and just share a few minutes with them. I used to do that to my friend's mother who lost her husband to another woman, and it always worked.

God bless you!

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Re: Lost a family member and coping

Post by arwensvoice on Sun Jun 13, 2010 7:26 pm

Just in case you're wondering Belle, arwen is me... Very Happy I wasn't signed in when I posted a reply. I was too excited...

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Re: Lost a family member and coping

Post by Dazzler on Sat Jun 19, 2010 4:31 pm

Great recommendation arwen Smile. Maybe your family is just too hurt on the death of your grandmother. You can try coming up to them and ask them to do the things you used to love doing. You can go to the mall and have a family day. That way you spend time with each other without having to remind yourself of what you used to do when your grand mother was still with you. Death is the most painful way to lose someone. It's very difficult but we should still want to live better. I used to stop myself from being happy when my dad died because I felt like I was losing him when I let go of my sadness. The pain that I felt was making me feel that I still have him in my heart, that he isn't really gone as long as I am hurting because once the pain is gone I know that I will forget about how horrible my life is without him. Having fun or taking time for yourself and your family isn't a bad thing. You deserve some pampering and some time to get your head off the reality for just awhile. I'm sure your grandmother would love to see you all spending time and being happy together as a family again.

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